I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
