we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
