I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
