nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
