They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
