why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
