She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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