Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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