I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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