Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
