Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
