really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
