I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Drake has all the answers
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
