My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
