can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
