I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
