Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
