We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
