As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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