Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
