I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
