he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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