I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
