Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
