Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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