Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
