Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
