I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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