I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
