I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
