we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
