hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
