honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
