he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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