Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
