they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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