Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
zippers are such a cool invention
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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