I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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