Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
