Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
