You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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