i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
