I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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