census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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