I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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