Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
