wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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