Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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