left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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