It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
