Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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