sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
