I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
