Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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