I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
