Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
