was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
