I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
