our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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