Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
