just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
