i think my tv is drunk
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
